It’s been fascinating to read (or listen to) so many books this past year and see what kind of writing is out there and what kind of writing actually gets published. I find it extraordinary that some of these books were actually published, that someone thought these books would sell, or that it was a good idea to publish the writing as a book. Normally I just read through a book from beginning to end. It is rare that I don’t finish a book – I really like to know what happened! BUT, there were a few books that I read this year that I wish I hadn’t, or at least hadn’t wasted my time listening to, but the good news is that at least I still got in a good walk or run!

There were a few books that were just too long and that the author would have been better off editing to a smaller, more interesting, tighter story. I think it was Mark Twain that said, I would have written you a shorter letter if I had more time (or something like that). That is sooo true of some of these books. I wish my library posted how many files a book was for its download size – anything over 10-12 files (or CDs) is going to be too long, most likely poorly written, and probably not worth it!

There were some books that nothing could have helped – starting over, heavy-handed edited, not publishing? You name it! I look at books a few of my friends have written and I just have to jump for joy at what awesome writers they are – clearly communicating their ideas, they use an authentic voice, and they are interesting storytellers to boot!

I wonder why it is that they are struggling to get published, have self-published and are succeeding mightily, or are just starting their publishing journey and these other writers have been published – through a big publishing house! I know, I know, the publishing model is broken and subjective, but still, it’s easier to see talented writing in a chapter or two than why some of these books were published, marketed, and sold. Why have to sit through the whole, painful, book? I might need to rethink my “reading the whole book” philosophy.

OK – here is my list of books to avoid (or at least approach cautiously or suspiciously):

• A Grown Up Kind Of Pretty by Joshilyn Jackson. This was an interesting story about a teenage girl whose baby dies as an infant and the resulting fall out from burying the baby in her backyard; but it was poorly written. The poor writing led to an even harder book to listen to – it was poorly spoken. An audio book version did not help this book. The binging back and forth between characters and time frames may have been easier to understand in the written version of this book, but it certainly did not make it flow when listening to it.
• Too Big To Fail (Too Long to Listen To) by Andrew Ross Sorkin. This book was about the 2008 financial crisis and the banking and financial institutions that were supposedly too big to fail. This book was full of stories of companies and the big swinging dicks that run them (into the ground, apparently). I actually had to check out this book twice because I couldn’t listen to it completely within the 21-day check out period. I have since renamed this book – Too Long to Listen To. I would only read this book if you want to get mad at our financial world in the US or if you need something to put you to sleep.
• Fifty Shades of Grey, Fifty Shades Darker, and Fifty Shades Freed by E L James. Ugh! I. Can’t. Believe. I. Bought. This. Trilogy! I mean, I paid real money for the electronic version of this trilogy. I admit I wanted to read this book and see what the fuss was all about. But I didn’t want to be seen reading it. I wanted to read it in secret so no one would know I had stooped so low to read mommy porn (or whatever it’s being called these days). I read the first book and thought, “Is this all there is?” One of the first eDiscovery cases I ever worked on contained sooo many porn pictures and emails that the law firm refused to look at them and hired us to review the images and data. Well – the stuff we found in there would curl your toes, for real, and then some, and NOT in a good way. What was in the first Fifty Shades book was sooo tame in comparison. I mean really, who needs to see 6-inch spikes going through penises? This series (with some actual plot in the second and third books) would have made one really good book of about 500 pages had the repetitive (and boring) sex scenes been edited out and the writer taken time to get clear about the characters and storyline! (And PS, the extensive use of one word sentences punctuated by periods is the author’s writing style, not mine 🙂
• The Chaperone by Laura Moriarty. I loved this book actually. But I wouldn’t recommend listening to the audio version. I was so excited to see that it was going to read by the actress who plays the mom on Downton Abbey. I was genuinely excited to start listening to this book, and was thus was so hugely disappointed with the narration to the point where it was almost irritating to listen to this book. I wish I had found the speed listening mode to make it through this book. Her voice was too nasally and condescending to make the narration good or desirable to listen to. But, as I said, I loved the book itself. The storyline was creative and inventive and I loved the (deeply flawed) characters and their interactions. This book was about a young girl in the 1920’s, who needs a chaperone to travel to New York for dance school and one of the other ladies in town who volunteers to chaperone her for the summer (so that she can do some research of her own). Read it, but don’t listen to it!
• Mrs. Nixon: A Novelist Imagines a Life by Ann Beattie. I started listening to this book while watching one of Bryce’s soccer games. That wasn’t something I will forget anytime soon – I was taking pictures on the sideline, trying to figure out if the recording had been messed up or something. Nope, it was just a poorly written book with a poorly narrated version.  Ugh, this book was awful, I can’t believe I finished listening to it!
• Fall of Giants by Ken Follett. OK – this is the book that I started downloading and when it popped up with 24 files (CDs) to download, I was wondering if I should just delete it off my iPhone before I even started listening to it. I cleaned the house to this book, maybe that’s why I don’t like it???  This book was soo long, that I could have sailed to China and back and still not be finished. Definitely a case of where a little editing could have gone a long way in making a better book. The sad thing is that I really liked the book, the characters, and the historical fiction. But the length and the repetitiveness made it too long. AND, it was the first book in a trilogy. I definitely didn’t even bother with the next two books.
• The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan. I had high hopes for this book given that I really liked Amy Tan’s other book, The Joy Luck Club. But this one was too dysfunctional for me. It was a story about Ruth’s mother (from China to America). The middle part of the book that told the story in the mother’s words was good, but the other parts, not so much. This book made me yearn to give the main character a kick in the pants to get her act together and stop feeling sorry for herself! Very disappointing.
• Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close. I have to admit, this was a book I downloaded randomly because it was available at my library. I shouldn’t have done that. What started out as interesting, or at least entertaining, chick-lit, became a meandering, boring mess. In fact, the last few chapters seemed unfinished and reminded me that the author was probably writing to a deadline and she to turn in something that resembled a finished book. It wasn’t, not by a long shot. Don’t waste your time on this one!
• Vanity Fair – William Makepeace Thackery. This book was long and boring. The author took what started out as a promising story about a couple of girls who went to finishing school together and their subsequent life in England and their  interwoven stories and then meandered, for hundreds of pages (or minutes on an audio file), and went nowhere with the character development and storyline. Too bad, it could have been an interesting story.
• Monkey Mind by Daniel B. Smith. This was the last book I read in 2013 and I’m not sure I should have read a book about anxiety. The author describes his anxiety and ties its start back to losing his virginity. He then goes on to describe what it’s like living inside his own head and the thoughts that run through his mind. Knowing the thoughts that run through my own mind did not make listening to this book any easier. In fact, it mostly irritated me (obviously I needed to learn something from it.).  I wanted to scream at the author, “Grow up, stop worrying about all this shit that doesn’t matter.” But then he couldn’t hear me. It’s like yelling at the television screen. Don’t read this book unless you really want to know about the author’s particular type of anxiety. Settle in with your own and forget about his!

Why am I writing about books to avoid instead of writing “positive reviews” of books – because if I can save you from wasting one moment of your time on bad writing, I will. So there it is. Read these books at your own risk!