I love this advice. QTIP – Quit Taking It Personally. It’s catchy, easy to remember, and such important advice to remember.
Sometimes we get wrapped around the axle when we take something personally that isn’t meant for us.
I received a reminder of this advice last week during a ‘discussion’ with someone I have known since 2016. For purposes of this article, which he knows I am writing and has assented to, I’ll call him Alex. This discussion started about 18 months ago, just after his one-year work anniversary.
I’ll share a little bit of the back story… and I am paraphrasing here…
A year ago, at a group meeting, after Alex gave an important presentation, his boss’ boss said, “Hey, we need to give Alex more ‘higher/next level’ work…” His boss sheepishly said, but he’s not at that ‘higher/next level.’ The big boss said, “Well, let’s change that. Make it happen.”
So, Alex’s boss asked him to submit promotion paperwork to a position which is a significant change from his current level in terms of compensation, but not in terms of job responsibility, because he was/is already working at that level.
Over the last year Alex has made some progress in navigating the promotion process, which is admittedly VERY difficult at his company – difficult in terms of figuring out what they actually want and then difficult in terms of execution. For example, he must enlist a double-digit number (yes, a double-digit number) of colleagues (peers and up two levels) in his support. And he must be operating at the level he is seeking the promotion to.
Sounds easy, right?!?
He wants it, his boss OK’d it, and his boss’ boss demanded it… so what’s the hold up?
The day-to-day work is overwhelming. It’s one ‘crisis’ after another which makes it difficult to do any work that requires self-reflection, writing, self-promotion, gathering support of colleagues, writing about himself and his accomplishments, etc. Alex knows he needs to do it but is overwhelmed with actual work and is stuck. It’s more comfortable to stay where he is at than to figure out the process and talk about himself.
My usual advice on the raise and promotion process is:
- Learn the Skill of Self-Promotion – modesty has no place in the promotion process. You must learn to self-promote as part of the process of asking for and receiving raises and promotions. You just do. You can’t get around it. Alex hates self-promotion. He thinks his good work should speak for itself (which it did in this case, and started this discussion), but the promotion process requires him to talk and write about his work.
- Understand the Promotion Process – you must understand the raise/promotion process at your company. Alex just finished writing up a summary of someone else’s work for their promotion process (yes, he is one of the support people for that person’s promotion), and his quip was – ‘that process is a lot simpler than for my promotion,’ which is true. You must get clarity on what the process is and what the expectations are. Otherwise, how can you meet them or follow the process?
- Seek Help –see your HR rep or find someone else who has completed the same process at your company or find a coach like me and ask for help. This is essentially where Alex is at now – they assigned someone to help him navigate and complete this process. This person has been hired specifically to help people through this promotion process (which IMHO, means the process is not good or the right process, but that is another article, for another day).
So, yes.
Yes, I am taking this personally.
I see and hear the overwhelm with Alex. I see his definite abhorrence for self-promotion, or ‘spin,’ as he calls it. I see the reluctance to write about himself. I see the procrastination from a process that is murky at best, and a complete deterrent at worst.
So, the other day, during our ‘discussion’ when he said – ‘Oh my god! You are taking this personally.’
Yes. Alex is right. I am taking this personally.
Self-promotion is a skill I help people learn. It’s the work I do as a coach – helping people navigate the raise and promotion process. And yes, a raise and stock grant will help him meet his short and long-term goals. And yes, I want to see him handsomely compensated for his brilliance and get paid what he is worth. All of which can’t happen until he finds/makes/takes the time to navigate the promotion process and take the leap of faith to do the work and make the change.
Our discussion this week was a good reminder for me not to take things personally.
QTIP – Quit taking it personally.
I just need to remind myself that this discussion will come around time and time again until the pain of NOT doing the promo paperwork is higher than him completing it.
The advice I listed above is great, but you won’t get a raise or promotion if you don’t follow the required process… or learn to talk about yourself, your accomplishments, and your achievements.
PS – Alex and I also have an ongoing discussion about how he is not my ideal client or someone I would take on as a client… he agrees the above advice is great… but isn’t following it… and we laugh about this.
PPS – Why am I telling you all this? Because I need to quit taking it personally and it’s a reminder for myself WHY I don’t take on every client that comes my way. I take on the ones ready and willing to make a change…when the pain of staying stuck becomes too much and they are willing to do the work even in the face of fear. Alex is getting there, which I completely understand. It took me 5 years to do that… which is a story I share in my first book – WELCOME to the Next Level. Download it here for free or head to Amazon to buy a copy.
