Most attorneys I know are excellent at their work. They are responsive, knowledgeable, and deeply committed to their clients. And yet, many still struggle to grow their practices in the ways they want to. They wait for the phone to ring. They wait for the next referral. They wait for the right opportunity to show up.

Here is the hard truth: expertise alone is not a growth strategy. Relationships are.

That does not mean you need to become a slick networker, collect business cards, or spend every evening at cocktail receptions. It means you need to build and maintain real relationships with intention.

Connection is a skill, one that can be learned, practiced, and improved over time, just like legal writing, client counseling, or courtroom advocacy.

This is the foundation of the presentation I gave at the California Lawyers Association Annual Meeting last September and am sharing this week at their Solo & Small Firm Summit. Here is the core framework.

Step One: Understand Your Sphere of Influence

Before you can grow your network, you need to understand what you already have.

When I ask attorneys to map their sphere of influence, they are almost always surprised by how large and varied it is. Your network includes current and former colleagues, law school classmates, current and former clients, opposing counsel, professional contacts, referral sources, friends, family, neighbors, people from volunteer work, hobby groups, sports teams, kids’ activities, and more.

The issue is rarely that you don’t know enough people. The issue is that you aren’t staying consistently connected to the people you already know.

In my workshops, I ask people to look at four areas:

1. Your current sphere of influence
2. Your potential sphere of influence
3. The strength of your existing connections
4. The gaps in your network

That last category matters most.

Who do you want to know better? Who should know more about what you do? Who would return your call today, and why? Who would refer work to you, mention your name in a room you are not in, or think of you when an opportunity comes up?

Those answers show you which relationships are worth investing in.

Step Two: Tune Into Your Networking Mindset

I have heard every version of networking resistance there is: I’m an introvert. I never know what to say. I feel awkward at events. I don’t know who to reach out to. I hate small talk.

Those feelings are real. I’m not going to dismiss them. But I am going to challenge the conclusion.

Networking is not a personality type. It is a skill set.

You do not have to be the loudest person in the room. You do not have to work the room. You do not have to pretend to be someone you are not. You do, however, need to shift from “I should network” to “I am building relationships that support my practice, my clients, and my career.” That is a very different mindset.

One practical way to shift your mindset before an event is to pay attention to your physical presence. I often reference Amy Cuddy’s work on presence and expansive posture when I teach this workshop. Whether you think of it as a “power pose” or simply a reset, the point is this: stand tall, take a breath, put both feet on the floor, and remind yourself that you belong in the room.

The other mindset shift is intentionality. Why are you networking? If the answer is “because I should,” that energy will come through. Get specific.

Are you looking for referral sources? Trying to build a community of peers? Seeking new clients? Staying current in your practice area? Looking for speaking opportunities? Building visibility in a new market?

When you know your purpose, networking stops feeling like random socializing and starts becoming a strategic business development activity.

And no, that does not make it transactional. Intentional does not mean selfish. It means you are paying attention. Bringing an intentional mindset to your relationship building creates stronger relationships.

Step Three: Show Up With Strategy

Walking into a room or joining a virtual event without a goal is a missed opportunity.

Before your next event, decide this: What is the one conversation I want to have today? Who do I most want to connect with?

You don’t need a complicated plan. You need a simple, useful one. Here are a few practical strategies that work:

• Know where to stand.At in-person events, positioning matters. Standing near the food or drink area creates natural, low-pressure opportunities for conversation. People pause there. They look around. They are more open to a casual exchange. Avoid hiding in the corners or hovering near the check-in table. That usually signals that you are waiting, not engaging.
• Have a real answer to “What do you do?”Most attorneys answer this question with a label or title. “I’m a family law attorney.” “I do estate planning.” Or “I handle employment law.” There is nothing wrong with those answers, but they aren’t memorable. They also tend to shut the conversation down rather than open it up. Try building an authentic personal branding statement instead: I work with [type of client]. I help them [specific issue or outcome]. For example, “I work with high-net-worth individuals going through divorce where the primary issues are financial rather than custody-related. I help them navigate complex emotions along with their finances.” That tells me who you serve, what problem you solve, and why your work matters. It is more memorable because it sounds like a real person talking, not a LinkedIn headline.
• Prepare a few conversation starters.You don’t need to be witty or clever. You need to be curious. Ask about someone’s practice, their path, what brought them to this event, what they are working on, or what they are excited about. It doesn’t all have to be legal. You can ask about a recent book, movie, trip, hobby, or local recommendation. People remember how you made them feel. Curiosity makes people feel seen.
• Meet three new people. Introduce yourself to three new people before the event ends. That’s it. Just three. Manageable and done beats overly ambitious yet incomplete every time. And if you have already identified a few people you would like to meet or know better, you have put your intentional networking mindset to work before you even walk into the room.

Step Four: Build Relationships That Last

The follow-up is where most people drop the ball, and it’s also where the biggest opportunities are.

Anyone can send a generic “great to meet you” email. Very few people send a timely, specific, friendly note that references something real from the conversation and offers something useful. That could be an article, an introduction, a resource, a book recommendation, or simply a thoughtful comment that shows you were paying attention. The goal is not to impress people. The goal is to continue the conversation.

After the first follow-up, stay in touch. I recommend choosing five contacts each week to call, email, text, or message. Not because you need something. Because relationships need maintenance. This is not a one-and-done activity. Strong networks are built through repeated, low-pressure touchpoints over time.

Try simple notes like:

“I thought of you when I saw this article.”

“I remember you mentioned that matter you were working on. How did it turn out?”

“I saw this event and thought it might interest you.”

“I wanted to introduce you to someone I think you would enjoy knowing.”

These small touches accumulate over time. They turn acquaintances into colleagues, colleagues into referral sources, and referral sources into trusted relationships.

A few more strategies that work:

• Invite people to join you at events or meet for coffee. Widening your circle often widens theirs too.
• Make introductions. One of the most generous things you can do in your network is connect two people who should know each other.
• Share something of value. A useful article, a practice trend, a resource, or a thoughtful observation can keep you visible without being salesy. Giving first builds goodwill.
• Ask for help. This one is underused. People are often willing to help, but only when the ask is clear. Vague asks get vague responses. Specific asks get action.

The Bottom Line

You do not need to become a different person to be good at networking. You do not need to love cocktail parties or be the most extroverted person in the room. You don’t even need to pretend to like small talk. You do, however, need to be intentional, consistent, and genuinely interested in the people around you.

Most attorneys know they should follow up but they don’t. Most attorneys know they should stay in touch, but they usually wait until they “need” something. Most attorneys know relationships matter, but they treat connection like an afterthought instead of a business development strategy.

That is the opportunity. Simply doing the basics with consistency and authenticity puts you ahead of many of your peers.

The extra mile is never crowded.

Connection is not just a soft skill. It’s a growth strategy. And when you practice it consistently, it compounds.

Ready to Build a Stronger Network?

If you want to put this into practice, download the free Connect for Success Worksheet and start mapping your sphere of influence, identifying gaps in your network, and choosing the relationships you want to strengthen next.

You can also connect with me on LinkedIn, where I share practical strategies for career growth, leadership, business development, and building an intentional professional life.

If you are ready for more focused support, reach out to talk about coaching. I work with attorneys and other professionals who want to grow their practices, strengthen their leadership, and build careers that are successful, sustainable, and aligned with who they actually are.