Success isn’t about who works the longest hours or who has the fanciest title. It’s about who you know, and more importantly, who knows you. That’s why building close, trusted relationships is the real secret sauce to reaching the next level in your career and life. Whether you’re looking for a new job, growing your business, or simply wanting to feel less isolated, connection is the foundation.

This isn’t about forced small talk at crowded mixers or pretending to enjoy “networking.” It’s about being purposeful, building genuine relationships, and showing up fully. Let’s talk about how.

Start With Your Sphere of Influence

Before you can grow your network, you need to understand what you already have. Your “sphere of influence” includes colleagues, clients, classmates, industry peers, hobby buddies, volunteers you serve with, and yes, even your friends and family.

Most people tell me, “I don’t really have a network.” Let me stop you right there. That’s just not true. You know plentyof people, you just haven’t thought of them as a network yet. So, grab a pen and this Connect for Success worksheetand list three key groups in your life. Maybe it’s fellow parents from your kid’s school, your former coworkers, or your choir group.

Once you have your list, dig deeper. How strong are those connections? Could you text them and get a response? Do they know what you’re up to professionally? When was the last time you reached out?

Strength matters more than size. A tight, engaged group of ten can open more doors than a loose group of 1,000.

Here’s the power of a well-tended network: when a friend moved from Atlanta to San Francisco and said she didn’t know anyone, I created a group called Lady Lawyers Who Lunch. We’d meet casually, connect, and support each other. One of those connections directly led to my next job; all because someone in that group told her company, “You need to hire Sonya. Make a job for her if you have to.” That’s the kind of momentum your network can create when you show up intentionally.

 

One of the most powerful visuals I’ve ever seen of a network in action came when I interviewed for a Chief of Staff role at LinkedIn. They handed me a poster-sized printout of my own network, over 5,000 connections (at the time) mapped out in vivid color, grouped by shared experiences and relationship strength. There were clusters from my law career, startup life, Cal Band connections, and even hobbies. That visualization was a game-changer. It showed how rich and interconnected my world already was and it reminded me that we all have influence, whether we’re actively using it or not.

Shift Your Mindset About Networking

If the word “networking” gives you anxiety, you’re not alone. Let’s call it what it really is: building relationships with purpose. That’s it. Nothing sleazy, nothing fake.

Instead of “networking,” think of it as:

• Finding people with shared interests
• Helping others (and letting them help you)
• Creating new opportunities by showing up

Why are you building these connections? Maybe you’re looking for referrals, speaking opportunities, new clients, or a job lead. Get clear on your “why” and it becomes much easier to show up intentionally.

Own Your Presence

Showing up is half the battle. But how you show up matters too.

Feeling powerful helps you read people better, connect more easily, and communicate clearly. The opposite, feeling powerless, leads to shrinking away, brain fog, and missed opportunities.

So, before an event (yes, even a Zoom one), take 2 minutes to take a power pose. Channel a moment when you felt strong, successful, and fully yourself. Maybe it was nailing a presentation, winning an award, or completing a big challenge.

For me, it was performing as principal trombone with the San Francisco Symphony Youth Orchestra when we won “Best Youth Orchestra in the World” in Vienna. Standing under the lights with the audience on their feet, cheering wildly, I felt powerful, confident, and fully myself. I return to that memory every time I need a boost. Find your own ‘powerful’ moment and own it before heading into an event.

Practical Strategies for Events

When you are at an event, I’ve captured a few tips to help you navigate it like a pro, especially if you’re not naturally outgoing.

Where to Stand: Near the exit of the bar, people are relaxed, chatty, and easier to approach there. Avoid standing at the check-in table or entrance; it’s too crowded, and probably a bit chaotic.

What to Say: If your mind goes blank, use simple icebreakers like:

• “What brought you here tonight?”
• “What’s your favorite thing you’ve done this year?”
• “Tell me about your work and what you like about it.”

Or use my go-to strategy: humor. “I’m not sure how I got roped into this event, but I’m here now!” works wonders.

How to Introduce Yourself: Keep it short and memorable. Try a three-word descriptor: “Recovering attorney turned coach,” “Tech-savvy dealmaker,” or “Creative project wrangler.” Avoid robotic job titles as people connect with stories, not org charts.

Introduce Others: One of the best ways to build trust quickly is to introduce two people to each other and share something you admire about them. That makes everyone feel valued and seen, which will become a powerful memory.

How to Exit Conversations Gracefully: “It was so nice meeting you. I promised myself I’d meet three new people tonight, so I’m off to do that.” That’s confident and kind, and it keeps you moving.

Follow-Up: The Secret Weapon

Want to stand out? Follow up. Almost no one does. Follow up is the extra mile that almost no one walks.

Send a short message the next day (not next week). Reference your conversation and offer something of value like a relevant article, a contact, a note of encouragement. Keep it short and personal.

“Hi Sam, great chatting with you after the panel discussion last night. Here’s a link to that book I mentioned. I thought you might like it. Let’s stay in touch.”

Bonus: Add them on LinkedIn with a note reminding them how you met. If they don’t respond, no big deal. If they do, you’ve built a connection.

Keep Growing Your Network (Yes, Even When You’re Not Job-Hunting)

Successful people don’t network when they need something. They build and nurture their network all the time.

Here’s a few suggestions on how:

• Set a goal to reach out to 5 people a week
• Share interesting content regularly
• Start or join a group around a shared interest
• Invite someone to coffee or a Zoom catch-up
• Send a thank-you or congratulatory message (just because)

When I was on maternity leave, I felt isolated, so I started doing walk-and-talks. I’d pop my baby in the stroller and use the walking time to call former colleagues and friends. Those small, consistent check-ins helped me stay grounded and plugged in, even when I wasn’t actively working or “networking.” It doesn’t take a big, huge strategy, just a bit of intention and action.

Ask for Help (Really)

Most people love to help. But they rarely ask for help… If you need help, others need to know how to help you.

When I decided to work remotely in Singapore for a month, I wasn’t sure where to start. So, I searched LinkedIn for anyone I knew in the region; it turns out I knew 19 people. I messaged them all, and within days, we’d planned an open house meetup, and I was booked to speak at INSEAD Business School. None of that would’ve happened if I hadn’t asked. People want to help, you just need to make the clear ask.

Be specific:

• “I’m looking for a speaker opportunity in the healthcare industry, know anyone?”
• “I’m exploring jobs at international companies; do you have any connections abroad?”
• “I’m searching for a strong graphic designer, who do you recommend?”

The clearer your ask, the easier it is for others to help. And the more likely they will.

The Bottom Line

Connection is how we grow. It’s how we find jobs, clients, collaborators, and lifelong friends. It’s how we learn, build confidence, and move forward.

So if you’ve been feeling stuck or stagnant, start here: Map your network. Shift your mindset. Show up with confidence. And follow through.

Remember: the extra mile is never crowded.

You’ve got this. And I’m cheering you on.